April 8th, 2007
I have hemorrhoids (some people mistakenly spell the word hemroids, which makes more sense than the correct spelling): those itchy, scratchy, painful, sometimes bleeding little bumps between my buns. But guess what, all of us have them. They're natural, but only about 4% of us (men and women) get to enjoy the pleasure of the itching and the pain, and the subsequent incline of skidmark related incidents on our underwear. But don't fret, there are ways to control these little monsters on your sphincter. Thank God I'm here to tell you how.
Hemorrhoid Treatments
Straining yourself on the toilet will make your hemorrhoids worse. The reason those hemorrhoids came to be in the first place was probably because you're putting too much oomph into your potty time, pushing them down through the canal and resting them squarely where you sit. Just sit back, relax, and let nature take its course.
Sitting or standing for long periods of time can irritate your hemorrhoids. So what are you supposed to do all day long, act like you're attending a mass? Well, whatever you do to avoid enraging your hemorrhoids, don't sit on one of those donut cushions; they increase the pressure on the veins, which makes hemorrhoids worse.
The pain of inflamed hemorrhoids can be reduced by increasing the amount of fiber in your diet. The more fiber in your diet, the looser your stool; the looser your stool, the less stain on your sphincter; the less strain on your sphincter, the less pressure you put on your hemorrhoids, ensuring that you won't eventually push them out of your butt--which can happen (read: how to get rid of constipation).
Using vasoconstrictors to reduce the pain and inflamation of your hemorrhoids is what doctor's prescribe most. There is no "cure" to hemorrhoids since everyone has them, and they can't just cut them out like a pair of tonsils. Creams like Preparation H and Rectacaine (novocaine for your sphincter) are your best bets for relieving the itch.
Local anesthetics are the second most prescribed hemorrhoid solution by doctors. They don't really do much about the swelling, they just put your nerves "down there" to bed. Creams like Lanacane, Americaine, and Medicone are typical creams, but be careful, sometimes these things cause allergic reactions (read: how to get rid of allergies).
Hemorrhoid Surgery
You can't really get rid of hemorrhoids anymore than you can get rid of Catholic guilt; some of us just have it worse than others--you can tell because they're the ones in the back who won't sit down. There's a somewhat new surgery called stapled hemorrhoidectomy, where basically (if your hemorrhoids are that bad) they staple shut the veins that are causing the most problems.
The other nontraditional treatments can be found on the web. Just make sure to do your research before buying that "cure all" hemorrhoid cream.
